May 11, 2007
This site was created late Sunday night May 6, 2007 . I was in Asheville with Margaret, Matthew, and Grace. We had spent some time having a few drinks and discussing family history when the idea of this blog site was born. The concept is to create a space where I can share some of my own personal history as well as family history, and family members and friends of the family can respond. For over 23 years I have kept a journal. My intent is to combine some of that content along with current thought and events. As I get comfortable with this process I will expand it to include photographs. This blog was made by Margaret that night and it will be my responsibility to make it work.
To begin this process I will turn to a journal entry that was made in 1996:
September 7, 1996
This time 11 years ago I started a journal. I began it following Helen and I getting married. Certainly an eventful moment in my life. I kept that journal for 10 years. It has been a good friend during rough, and also good times. It was something to turn to in the middle of the night when I needed help to sort things out, to gain perspective, to settle obsessive thoughts. It was something to turn to record milestone events, or sudden insights that I did not want to lose.
In the last few years, however, entries became fewer and fewer. At Christmas I switched over to a computer journal. After 2 months I lost everything I had put on the computer when my hard drive crashed. The computer is now fixed, and I am ready to return to my journal.
It seems appropriate to start at almost my anniversary date (for wedding and journal). Today is also my father’s birthday. He would be 96! And the last significant event for the launching of my journal is Matthew’s leaving home for Millsaps College . He is the last child out of the nest, and life seems to be begging a new beginning.
As a way of starting I would like to capture where everyone is. Matthew (18) is rooming with Micah Davis, an old, old friend. He sounds like he is enjoying college, after one week. He is working in the library, going through rush, and hopefully focusing on school work.
Lillian (20) is at the University of Georgia in Athens . She is in her junior year and trying to figure out a major. Her grades are good (B average), and she enjoys a full social life which includes Kappa Kappa Gamma, and making her debute this year.
John Shelton (23) is going to school part time at Delgado College , working part time, and playing in a band. He has been living on his own in New Orleans for almost 2 years. Life is leveling out for him.
Jonathan Miller (26) is living in New Orleans on Pitt St . He is working as an environmental geologist for ERM. He just finished his masters degree at the University of Arkansas . Jonathan seems to be catching his breath and moving into his profession.
Margaret (30) is living with her mother in Oxford , Pennsylvania. Her life revolves around a baby daughter, Grace, who will be 1 in seven days. She is also working with her mother in the jewelry business, and trying to resolve a marriage with Paul Williams that is struggling.
Gregory (33) continues to work with car stereo systems and is living in Nevada . He has a new girlfriend that I know very little about. Greg is unsettled and volatile. I never really know what he will do next, but his potential is great- for moving in either a positive or negative direction.
Helen is working part time with family court doing divorce mediation, and part time in private practice. Her life is full and rich. In addition to work there are the dogs, Possum, Dixie , Boomer, and Captain. Time is also taken up with church, St Timothy's, with Beaushac, the house on the Little Tchefuncte River, with Franco’s gym working out, with her parents, John and Meezie Sims, who have moved to Covington (Christwood), and of course with me.
I am working with child protection in Covington , and life is taken up with much of the same things that involves Helen. I could add Headstart to the list, fishing with work friends, backpacking with Helen, and lately we both have been spending a lot of time with the computer.
In fact my allocated time with the computer is up.
That concludes that entry and now to see if this reaches the internet and my blog site.
2 comments:
It is around 5:00 PM and I am waiting for Helen to get home. There is something we must discuss. It is Buffy and the decision is whether to “put her down” or to continue her struggle for life.
Yesterday about this time a severe thunderstorm came through. Lots of wind and lightning and heavy wind. It was slow moving and lasted for at least an hour and a half. We had almost three inches of rain and the upper part of a tree was blown down across our driveway. I was in the house with Lady when it hit and the Labs were in the basement. As the storm was breaking up Helen arrived from work. She had to walk to the house with her umbrella. She had just entered the house when the phone rang. It was our neighbor, Steve Hightower. He had just driven up to his house and found Buffy in his driveway. Steve lives where Huckleberry Lane enters Turnpike Road, a good quarter mile from our house.
When I got to Steve’s house after I moved the tree, I found Buffy in their kitchen trembling and dripping wet. Steve said she was just lying down in their driveway with the rain pouring down on her. Buffy looked disoriented, but she came to him and he got her into the house. She came to me immediately, but no wagging tail. She looked somewhat sad, maybe defeated. While we talked in the kitchen Buffy explored the house with their standard Poodle. When we left I had to pick Buffy up and put her in the Pathfinder. She moves very slowly and with a pronounced limp. How she made it that far is a mystery. She must have been panicked by the storm.
Back at home I fed all the dogs. Buffy ate only a bite or two. That may not be surprising seeing that she had eaten at the neighbors, but Buffy has never been known to turn down food until the last month or so. I spent a little time with them and the came on upstairs. She looked OK. Still sad and still slightly trembling.
This morning Helen returned from the gym and found Buffy still wet and still trembling. She would not eat. While up and moving there was pain in every step. Our vet has told us that Labs are one of those breeds of dogs that will never express their pain, but in Buffy’s eyes you could almost see it. Helen felt strongly that Buffy needed to go to the Vet. I had mixed feelings about it. She was obviously in distress, but I knew our Vet was ready to make heroic efforts to save this dog, an effort that would cost hundreds of dollars. Looking at Buffy I could see clearly that she was on her last legs. I was not sure if heroic efforts were needed.
I phoned the Vet and we discussed what was going on. I told him about the previous night and her behavior of late. I was wanting him to assess Buffy’s condition and if it was not serious or if there was a simple fix, then she would come home with me. However, I was not in favor of prolonging this good dog’s misery. To my surprise he agreed and the conversation switched to the difficulty of dealing with such a faithful dog in this situation. Buffy is 14 and Labs do not have a history of living much beyond 10 or 11 years. We finally agreed that I would bring her in and he would check her out and observe her throughout the day. A decision would be made about her later in the day.
Without a murmur of protest Buffy came to me and I got her into the Pathfinder. It was a long sad ride. I could not keep my hands off of her, and was struggling with the lump in my throat. Her long history with Helen and I, and her long history with Bill and Robin came rolling back to me in slow motion. At the Vets she came easily with me. We were alone In the waiting room and I asked her to get on the scale that is for dogs. She knew exactly the procedure and got on the scale. She weighed 58 pounds! She had lost 11 pounds in the last two months. I was shaken by that number. Although I knew she was losing weight I had never been aware that it would be that much. I got on the floor and put my arms around this wet and suffering dog. I put me head against hers. The door opened and Michele came out for Buffy. She had no lead. She knew Buffy would go with her. It hit me fully that this might be the last time I would see Buffy! We both looked up at Michele and she said softly we will take good care of her. I let Buffy go and she got up and went to Michele and walked through the door with her.
Tears have come easily over this dog. They come now. I do not want to let her go. The tears come unbidden and I do not know from where. I don’t explore that, I just feel it. Maybe later it will make sense, but not now. Now there is just naked grief.
Later today I phoned Rick, our vet. He said that they had been able to get Buffy to eat some. However the overall picture does not look good. Several months ago she was found to have a tumor in her body. It is his opinion in looking at Buffy that we are talking about a matter of weeks. It is in her liver. He can treat her with prednisone and pain medication and that will ease her last weeks, but while surgery could be done it is his thinking that it has progressed too far. In looking at her he also took into consideration her age and her rapid decline.
I found myself blurting out that I did not want to let her go, that I was not ready to say good bye. I know he heard my pain. He said softly, “is Helen at home?” I told him she was not, and he suggested that we allow Buffy to spend the night and that Helen and I talk over what we are to do. He again told me that he has been in this situation with pets of his own and knows how difficult this can be. I agreed.
I am now waiting for Helen. I am not sure what she will say, nor am I sure what I will say. The pull is so strong to go and get her, even if it is for 2 weeks. The rational part of my brain, which is not functioning too well at the moment, is asking me if this is really best for Buffy. I need to go now and feed the other dogs and get dinner ready.
Same day but later. After some difficulty in communicating Helen and I finally agreed that Buffy’s misery needs to stop. We both feel though that we do not want her last night on earth to be spent in a Vet’s kennel. So, I am going to get her tomorrow and treat her to a special day- good food, a trip to the river, and time spent with her. She will stay at home tomorrow night- more special care, we will say our good byes and on Friday morning I will bring her in so she can make her get away. There must be a God somewhere that will greet her with open arms.
One last quick Buffy story and I am finished, at least for today. Several days ago I was working hard in the yard near the house. Buffy, as usual, was checking out what I was up to. I got in the Pathfinder with a load for the burn pile and took it over to unload. While I was finishing up in plus 90 degree weather I look up and here comes Buffy struggling up the hill. She slowly limps over and lays down about 10 feet from me. I speak to her acknowledging her grit and determination. I doubt if she understands my meaning, but Buffy likes to be talked to. Its an affirmation. A little sad I get in the Pathfinder and drive back for another load. As I am loading back up the trailer, I look up and hear comes Buffy struggling across the yard moving very slowly- limping. I can’t stand the way this dog suffers just to be close. I stop loading the trailer and walk over to meet her. I wonder why she is tormenting herself. As I approach her she stops and lifts her head. As I get closer she drops it, but not with a broken spirit. She is sniffing the ground and moving to her left slightly away from me. She stops, her head moves, and she turns to me with a stick!! A stick for me to throw so she can retrieve! I get to her, and because I don’t know what else to do I hold out my open hand. She puts this pine knot in my hand, wet from her saliva. I throw the stick about eight feet and she wheels quickly and trys to run, which she cannot do, so she settles for a lame trot. Up off the ground comes the stick and back she comes to my side. I throw again, about eight feet and out of nowhere flys Lady. She gets to it before Buffy picks it up and races off. Just for a second I thought she was going to start looking for another stick, but I call her back to me, tell her its all right and we walk back to the house. Under our house is a nice paved area and there is a big fan blowing. I motion for her to lie in front of it and she settles down. I get a chair and a bottle of water and settle in next to her. We sit in silence enjoying the shade and cool breeze. Perhaps tomorrow I will lock Lady in the house and let Buffy have one last retrieve. Then will come the shade and a cool breeze.
The above (or below) is Dad's comments regarding Buffy, since he has obviously forgotten that he has this Blog to use. It is a great and moving depiction of a grand dog named Buffy, (although I prefer to refer to her as Buffy the Second because the first Buffy died a tragic death under a falling tree.)
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